"I'm Will Smith. No one would ever believe I killed my father on purpose. I'm one of the best actors in the world. My 911 call would be Academy Award level", the 53 year old recalled in his new memoir.

In the book, Smith described vividly how, as a child, he had witnessed his father commit a horrific, violent act against his mother.

"When I was nine years old, I watched my father punch my mother in the side of the head so hard that she collapsed," he wrote. "I saw her spit blood. That moment in that bedroom, probably more than any other moment in my life, has defined who I am."

For the actor, the trauma of that moment would impact his entire life and career forever. He explains, "Within everything that I have done since then; the awards and accolades, the spotlights and attention, the characters and the laughs — there has been a subtle string of apologies to my mother for my inaction that day. For failing her in the moment. For failing to stand up to my father. For being a coward."

He continues, "What you have come to understand as "Will Smith," the alien-annihilating MC, the bigger-than-life movie star, is largely a construction; a carefully crafted and honed character – designed to protect myself. To hide myself from the world. To hide the coward."

Unresolved Anger

Smith's parents separated when he was a teen and divorced in 2000. Despite maintaining a close relationship with his father, the actor writes that his anger stemming from that childhood incident surfaced again decades later, while he cared for Will Sr., who had cancer.

"One night, as I delicately wheeled him from his bedroom toward the bathroom, a darkness arose within me," Smith explained.

"The path between the two rooms goes past the top of the stairs. As a child, I'd always told myself that I would one day avenge my mother. That when I was big enough, when I was strong enough, when I was no longer a coward, I would slay him", he added, revealing the moment he contemplated killing the ailing patriarch.

"I paused at the top of the stairs," he wrote. "I could shove him down, and easily get away with it. As the decades of pain, anger, and resentment coursed then receded, I shook my head and proceeded to wheel Daddio to the bathroom."

Smith's father passed away in 2016. But the father of three said the lessons he learned from their relationship have never left his mind.

However, in the memoir, Smith also praised his father for supporting him throughout his career.

"My father was violent, but he was also at every game, play and recital," wrote the 53-year-old. "He was an alcoholic, but he was sober at every premiere of every one of my movies. He listened to every record. He visited every studio. The same intense perfectionism that terrorized his family put food on the table every night of my life", he wrote.